We emphasize the importance of having a clear estate plan—so when the time comes, loved ones aren’t left with uncertainty or surprises. We’ve walked alongside families who didn’t have that clarity when a parent or loved one passed away, so we know first-hand the difference a plan can make.

Pause and Grieve

It probably goes without saying but give yourself some time to grieve before diving into estate decisions. Rushing through the process can increase the risk of misunderstandings and resentment. Once the initial mourning period has passed, gather as a family — if needed, with a neutral third party like a financial planner, attorney or mediator — to begin the conversation.

Understand What’s in the Estate

Before dividing anything, make sure you have a complete picture of the estate. This includes:

• Bank accounts, investments and other financial accounts
• Life Insurance
• Debts and liabilities
• Real estate
• Personal belongings (jewelry, furniture, household goods)
• Family heirlooms and sentimental items

We recommend creating an inventory of these assets, writing them down and making sure everyone agrees with what’s on the list.

Start with What the Law Says

In the absence of a will, state law — known as intestate succession — will often determine how assets are distributed. Typically, assets are divided equally among surviving children, but this can vary depending on marital status, surviving parents, and other factors. In addition, this legal guideline doesn’t always account for personal circumstance or emotional attachments to certain items.

Even if you intend to divide things differently, it’s helpful to know the legal baseline before discussing alternative arrangements.

Have Honest Conversations

This is often the hardest step — sitting down together and talking openly about what each sibling values and needs. Some key questions to explore include:

• Are there sentimental items that carry more emotional value than financial value?
• Did one sibling provide more caregiving and support to the parent in their final years?
• Are there financial disparities among siblings that might influence decisions?
• Are there any verbal wishes the parent shared that weren’t formally documented?

Be transparent about your feelings and priorities—and listen generously to your siblings as they do the same. Sometimes, what feels ‘fair’ isn’t always ‘equal,’ and that’s okay if everyone is on board.

Consider Appraisals and Buyouts

For high-value or sentimental items — like a home, car, or family heirloom — it may be worth getting a professional appraisal, and in some cases it’s required. If one sibling wants to keep a particular asset, they might offer to buy out the others’ share so the value is still equitably distributed.

In some cases, families choose to sell major assets and divide the proceeds. While this may feel impersonal, it can help avoid disagreements about how much something is worth.

Use a Fair Selection Process

A common approach to dividing personal items is a round-robin selection process. Each sibling takes turns choosing an item from the estate, ensuring that no one person dominates the process. This method helps distribute sentimental belongings fairly and can prevent disputes over valuable possessions.

Keep Notes and Put Everything in Writing

Once decisions are made, document them clearly and have everyone sign off. This helps prevent future misunderstandings and can be especially helpful if other family members or heirs are involved.

Even if you’re not working with an attorney, having a neutral third party like a financial planner or mediator help formalize the agreement adds a layer of protection for all involved.

Focus on the Relationship, Not Just the Assets

Ultimately, no inheritance is worth damaging family ties. These conversations are hard, but they can also be healing. When siblings work together with respect, compromise, and empathy, it’s an opportunity to honor the parent’s legacy and each other.

Take the Next Steps

If you haven’t created a will or trust for your own estate, consider this your invitation to take that next step. One of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones is clarity and a plan. If you’re unsure where to start, a financial planner can help you think through your options, clarify your values, and connect you with the right legal resources. There are also online resources like LegalZoom and FreeWill if your situation isn’t complex and you’d like to learn more on your own.